


It's Hard To Love You

by Alyssa_85



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-24 18:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3778132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa_85/pseuds/Alyssa_85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil loves Dan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Hard To Love You

I sat quietly watching Dan as he scrolled through what I presumed to be Tumblr. His lips curved into a small grin every now and then, which caused butterflies to flap around helplessly in my stomach. It happened every time Dan smiled, or laughed. It was rather embarrassing for him to have such an effect on me.

"Hey, Phil?" Dan said. I put my head down so he didn't catch me staring intently at him.

"Yeah?"

"Let's get a pizza tonight?"

"Sure. Shall we order it?"

"No, can you go get it? I have a surprise I'd like to set up for you."

I squinted at him. A surprise? Maybe it was a romantic dinner for two? Was this the night he was going to tell me that all this time he's been in love with me? No. Of course not.

"Okay then," I finally replied. I closed my laptop and placed it lightly on the coffee table. I stood from my seat on our sofa and walked out into the hallway, from the coat rack by the door I grabbed my coat. "What do you want?" I questioned, popping my head back round the door.

"Do you even have to ask?" He asked, chuckling lightly.

"No," I replied, smiling.

I opened the door to our shared apartment and walked out into the wet, cold night. The rain dribbled down the back of my black hood, and onto the already soaked floor ahead of him. Typical Dan making me go out in such awful weather.

A few minutes of walking later I arrived at the pizza place. It was great that we had a small pizza joint just a few minutes away from our home. As I walked in, I wiped my feet on the small brown mat that said 'Welcome'.

"Hiya, mate. The usual?" The guy behind the counter asked as I stepped up.

"Hi. And, yes please," I replied. The fact the guy knew exactly what Dan and I always ordered showed just how much we ate from this place. In our defence, it's good. Like, really good.

Eventually the hot pizzas were placed on the counter. I paid and left. I covered the pizzas as best I could so the rain didn't soak the pizzas and make them cold.

* * *

"I'm back!" I called as I closed the front door. I pushed my hood down and shook my black hair out of my face.

"Finally." Dan walked out into the hallway.

"I wasn't gone that long," I protested, handing Dan the pizzas so I could take my dripping wet coat off.

"Who's that?" I heard a girls voice from the front room. A brunette plodded out bare foot.

"Um, I could ask you the same."

"Phil, I'd like to introduce you to Lillian. My girlfriend." My eyes widened.

"It's so good to meet you, Phil. Dan has told me so much about you!" She squealed, shoving her hand at me. I ignored it.

"Funny, Dan's told me nothing about you," I snapped.

The girl looked at Dan who rubbed the back of his head. A nervous trait that only I, and his family, know about.

"Sorry, babe. Phil's sensitive, I didn't know the right to too tell him," Dan told her.

"Oh," she started, looking down at her red toenails. I felt a pang of satisfaction and making her sad, but that went away when she looked up at Dan with her big blue eyes and said: "That's fine I guess."

Dan grinned down at her. "I've set the table, we'll be eating in there."

"We never eat pizza at the table," I said.

"Sorry, Phil, but today we are."

"Okay then."

I followed Dan and Lillian into the dining room. Three white plates were set out around our four person table. I put the boxes down on the mahogany table and opened them. The delicious smell of pepperoni pizza hit my nose, causing my mouth to water unwillingly.

"I'll be in my room," I stated.

"What, why?" Dan asked.

"I just am." I grabbed two slices of the pizza, shoved them on a plate then retreated before Dan could say anything else. I walked into my room and placed the china plate on top of my drawers then sat down on my double bed. Was this that surprise he was talking about? His girlfriend? When on earth did this happen, he'd never even slightly mentioned the name Lillian to me. Was that who he was smiling at earlier? I ran my fingers through my hair in annoyance. I closed my eyes and let it all sink in.

A knock on my door brought me out of my thinking.

"Come in," I said.

Dan walked into my room, his cheeks flushed slightly. "Hi."

"Where's Lillian?" I asked.

"She left," he told me.

"Already? She wasn't here long."

"Phil, it's been half an hour since you sulked into your room."

"What?" I looked at the clock beside my bed.

"We ate the pizza, then she left. Now she's gone, tell me what's really going on."

"Was she my surprise? You made me go out in the freezing cold rain so you could spring a girlfriend on me?"

"I thought it would be better that way."

"Well, you were wrong."

"Is that why you sulked into your room?"

"I didn't sulk," I retorted. "But, no. I thought I'd leave you and your girlfriend to a date."

Dan chuckled. "You didn't need to do that."

"How long have you guys been together?" I questioned, although I didn't really care about the answer.

"Five months."

"And I'm only just finding out about her?"

"I know you don't like change, and this is a big one?"

"Why's it so big? It's not like you're getting married."

"That's the thing-"

"You're getting married?!" I shouted before he could finish.

"No, Phil. Shut up for a moment and let me speak," Dan groaned. I nodded. "She's moving in," he finished.

"What?!" I yelled.

"Her parents kicked her out, she has no where to go."

"So you just let her move in here? And if she has no where to go, where is she now?" I was getting angrier and angrier by the minute. How dare he invite some stranger to live with us?!

"She's staying at a friends house but she feels she's over stayed her welcome. She'll help with rent."

 "This is too big, Dan. How could you just invite someone to live here?! This is our house, not yours." I stood up from my bed and stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

I got out into the cold air of the night and shivered instantly. I had forgot my coat, and my keys meaning I had two options, I could knock on the door grab my coat then leave, or I can just keep going. I chose the latter. I wrapped my arms around my body and carried on down the road. I made my way to the small park that was just a couple of minutes from the pizza place I had been at earlier that day.

When I arrived I took a seat on a small bench, and ran my fingers through my wet, black hair. I felt tears well up in my eyes and spill over. Why would he do this? If wasn't so much her moving in that bothered me, it was the fact I'd only just found out about it, and her. The tears than ran down my face sent a chill across my face. Goosebumps covered my bare arms, and raindrops slid down my nose, mixing with the tears. I rested my head in my hands, my knees were bouncing lightly.

"Phil?" I heard Dan calling me. I looked up, Dan was walking towards me, my coat in his hand. When he finally spotted me, he jogged over and sat beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped.

"I thought you'd be cold." Dan wrapped my coat around my shoulders. I was happy for the warmth that took over.

"Thanks." I looked at Dan. His hair was plastered to his forehead with rain, and he was staring straight at me. I blushed and looked away, but he wasn't letting that happen. He grabbed my chin lightly and pulled my face to look at him.

"If it's that much of a problem, I'll tell her she needs to find somewhere else."

"Dan, it's fine." We stared into each others eyes, and my heart pounded loudly in my chest. I wouldn't of been surprised if Dan could hear it himself.

"Honestly, I'm not going to let her move in if it bothers you that much. You're my best friend, she'll understand." Dan looked down at his hands, as if he didn't even believe the words that were emitting from his lips.

"Dan-" Before I could finish what I was going to say, Dan's lips hit my own. It was a short kiss, when he pulled away my hand touched my lips softly. I was stunned. Dan stood up quickly and ran away from me. I didn't bother following after him, my head was all over the place. I wasn't sure I was even able to stand. He had kissed me, my best friend had actually kissed me. My heart was racing, and my lips tingled.

A while later, I got up off the bench and made my way home. When I got to our front door, I felt for my keys, and thankfully, they were there. I took them out and unlocked the door. All the lights were off so I presumed Dan was either still out somewhere, or in his room. I softly closed the door, then made my way to my bedroom.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up late as a result of finally falling asleep in the early hours of the morning. I rubbed my eyes, and sat up. A bit of light shone through the slightly ajar curtains. I ran my fingers through my hair, recoiling quickly when I felt how greasy it had become due to the rain the night before. I climbed out of my bed and headed into the bathroom for a long shower. I needed to clear my head somehow.

When I finally emerged from the shower, I wrapped a large towel around my waist and left the bathroom. Back in my room, I rummaged through my drawers and removed a pair of black skinny jeans, a shirt and some underwear.

Once dried and dressed, I wandered out of my room and to the kitchen. The cereal was already on the counter, but Dan was no where to be seen. I poured myself a bowl of Shreddies, and ate them at our table. I still couldn't forget the kiss Dan and I had shared last night. He had kissed me. Not the other way round as I pictured so many times before. It blew my mind. Why had he kissed me? Did it mean he actually wanted more than friendship from me? What about Lillian?

When I finally finished my cereal, I placed the bowl in the sink.

"Dan, are you in?" I called. There was no reply. I made my way to his room and knocked lightly, when no answer came I sighed and walked away.

I decided to go for a walk in another attempt to clear my head entirely. I picked up my coat, which unfortunately was still slightly damp, then left silently. I walked down my street the cold air blowing on my face, making chills run through my body. I sighed loudly as I walked out of my street and further into the busy streets of London. People hurried around the street, pushing me around as if oblivious I was even there. I trudged through London till I finally found a bench to sit on.

* * *

 

I sauntered into the apartment, only to be pinned against the door the moment I closed it. Dan's hands gripped my arms above my head.

"You're back," Dan slurred. He breath reeked of some sort of alcoholic substance.

"Dan, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I've missed you."

"Dan, you're drunk, let me go."

"But Phil, I thought you wanted me?" He whined.

"What makes you think that?" I questioned, hoping to god Dan didn't notice how red my cheeks had got.

"Why else would you be so angry when I told you my girlfriend was moving in?" Dan's knee brushed my crotch lightly, I sucked in a breath.

"Because you can't just make huge decisions like that and not run it by me." I replied. Dan leant forwards and nibbled softly on my earlobe. I moaned quietly. I couldn't show him he was getting to me, that was exactly what he wanted.

"I want you," he purred in my ear.

"You have a girlfriend."

"To make you jealous."

"Dan we shou-" I couldn't finish because Dan had smashed his lips to mine. I couldn't help myself from kissing him back with just as much force. Dan carried on holding my arms tightly against the door.

"You're so hot, Phil."

"Dan, please let my arms go you're hurting me." Dan released my arms, I rubbed at my red wrists.

"Let's go to my room," Dan said before gripping my hand and dragging me to his room. He pushed me to the bed and straddled me. Dan trailed kisses down my neck, sucking slightly with every soft touch of his lips. I closed my eyes tightly, melting into the intimatcy. Until it hit me. This was Dan. The same Dan that had been my best friend for years and who also had a girlfriend.

"Dan. We shouldn't be doing this." I pushed on his shoulders, pulling his lips from my neck.

"I love you, Phil." Dan nibbled on a spot on my neck, causing me to moan once again.

"Don't, Dan. You're drunk, I don't want this." Dan sighed loudly, but rolled off me all the same.

"Get out," he growled.

I got up off his bed, and looked down on him. He was lying with one arm over his eyes, a few tears had made their way down his cheek. I stayed still for a few seconds, before leaving my heart racing in my chest. I wandered into my room, closed the door then flopped down on my bed. I grabbed handfuls of my soft, black hair and pulled slightly in frustration. I'd done the right thing telling him to stop. I know for fact had things gone further he would of regretted it when he had sobered up.

* * *

I stayed in my room till around half eight, when I knew Dan would more than likely be asleep due to the alcohol he had consumed. I sauntered into the kitchen to make myself some food. Sitting on one of the stools of the breakfast bar was Lillian. She was clad in just one of Dan's shirts and a pair of underwear.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Dan called me."

"Is he asleep?"

"No. He's in the shower. Would you like me to make you something to eat as a thank you for letting me live here?" She smiled sweetly at me. Dan had changed his mind, she was going to be staying here with us. Deep joy.

"No that's fine. I do, however, suggest you go put on some trousers."

Lillian nodded and stood up, before she could leave Dan came in, looking smug.

"Alright, Phil?" He asked like nothing had happened just a few mere hours ago.

"Fine," I replied.

"That's good. You alright, babe?"

Lillian looked Dan in the eye and bit her lip. I stood leaning against the kitchen side. Dan looked over at me and smirked.

"You sure you're alright there, Phil? You look a little out of it," he said.

"I'm fine."

"If you say so."

Dan turned back to look at Lillian, who was still biting her lip. I couldn't blame her, Dan was standing in just his jeans, his hair was drying into it's curly mess. The best kind. I turned away and busied myself with making a sandwich. I only turned back to them when I heard a soft moan. I spun on my heel. Dan had lifted Lillian so she was sitting on the breakfast bar. He rubbed against her as they made out. I couldn't look away, and I was disgusted when I realised how turned on watching them made me. Lillian moaned loudly as Dan rubbed her on top of her skimpy underwear. Every now and then, Dan would look in my direction and smirk. What was he trying to do? Dan removed his lips removed his lips from hers and moved to kissing her neck. Lillian threw her head back, moaning loudly. When she noticed me just standing there, watching them my eyes widened, she screamed.

"I forgot you were there!"

"Yeah, well I live here." My voice was hoarse.

"Would you mind going to your room?" Dan asked, grinning smugly.

"If you want privacy, you can go to your own room."

"Fine." Dan picked his girlfriend up, and walked away. I had to release the pressure my jeans were putting on my penis. No doubt Dan would be getting back up. He'd had sex with Lillian, then they'd fall asleep all cuddled together. I sighed. I removed my tight jeans, leaving me in just my black Calvin Klein boxers and black shirt. I carried on with the sandwich making I had been doing. I jumped when I felt hands slide into my underwear and feel for my Penis. I looked behind me to see Dan standing there, his hair tousled. He kissed my neck as he pumped my member. I couldn't stop him, in fact, I didn't want to stop him. It felt amazing. I snaked my arms around his neck for support. Within seconds, I blew my load into my underwear. He pulled his hand away, and turned me to face him.

Dan grinned down at me, then kissed my forehead. "This stays between us, okay?" I nodded, not trusting my voice. With that, Dan left.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up quite early. I walked out of my room and to the kitchen. Memories of the previous night came rushing back, causing my dick to twitch. Dan had given my my first ever hand job in this very kitchen, and I couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it had felt. His hands were soft, and warm. I shuddered slightly.

"How many times have I told you not to walk out of your room with a stiffy, Phil? Sort it out before you get up," Dan teased. I blushed.

"Where's Lillian?"

"Still in bed," Dan replied then turned back to cutting the vegetables in front of him. "Stew for dinner, is that okay?"

"I suppose." When I was sure Dan wasn't going to turn around, I made my way to him and grabbed his penis over the thin cloth that covered it. Dan jumped, causing me to let go and move away.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He yelled, staring at me wide eyed.

"Repaying the favour," I replied.

"What favour?"

"Last night, after you took Lillian to your room, you came in here and gave me a hand job."

"Don't be ridiculous, Phil."

"Have you got memory loss?" I asked, tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over the brim.

"I was so drunk I barely remember anything, but I highly doubt I touched your dick," Dan snapped.

"I really fucking hate you sometimes, Dan," I muttered as I turned on my heel to walk away. I didn't let the tears fall until I was closed up in my room.

* * *

I sat on my bed scrolling through the 'Phan' Tumblr tag. There was so much about it, from the little glances to the soft touches. The amount of people saying we were definitely in a relationship was astounding. Oh how wrong they were. I wished. I love him, I had realised that when he was tugging on my cock the previous night. I was in love with Dan Howell, my best friend. A small knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Phil, I brought you some toast." I stood up from my bed and opened the door. Dan stood in the doorway in tight black jeans and nothing else with a tray in his hands. It took all of my strength to not check out his shirtless body. He held a tray with some toast and a mug of tea. I took the tray from him and slammed the door.

"Thanks," I called through the closed door.

"Phil, what's going on with you?" I heard Dan lean against the door with a thud.

"Nothing," I retorted before taking a bite out of the perfectly toasted toast.

"Can you let me in? We need to talk about something."

I put the tray on my drawers. I sighed softly then leant against the door from my side. "Talk now."

"I can't. It's a private matter."

"Dan, I'm not in the mood to talk about what no doubt it going to be girlfriend issues."

"Please, Phil? Why are you being so off with me? What have I done?"

"Nothing." Was he serious? Even after our conversation earlier that day he was acting as if nothing had happened? Was he drunk again? I wiped my hand across my face.

"Then talk to me."

I stood up and opened the door. Dan fell on his knees in front of me.

"A bit of warning would of been nice."

"What do you want?" I walked to my bed and sat down. Dan closed the door behind him, sat beside me and rubbed the back of his head. There it is again, his nervous twitch.

"What's going with you, Phil? Since I introduced you to Lillian you've been acting really strange."

"You bought some random girl, that for all I know could be a murderer, to live in our house. Do you expect me to be perfectly okay with that?" I raised my voice at him.

"Lillian is a nice person."

"Why did you change your mind?" I asked, my voice softer than before.

"About what?"

"Her living here. Yesterday afternoon you said you wouldn't let her move in if it bothered me so much, then that evening she's telling me she does."

"She had no where else, Phil. I wasn't going to let the mother of my child live on the streets." Dan covered his mouth the moment he realised just what he'd said. I guess it all made sense now.

"Mother of you child?" I repeated calmly, trying hard to cover the anger that erupted inside.

"That's why she was kicked out." I was livid with Dan, not only had he invited some stranger, to me anyway, live with us, but said stranger is also pregnant. "You need to move out. Both of you," I snapped.

"What, why?" I didn't dare look in Dan's direction as I could tell from his soft, almost inaudible, voice that I'd hurt him.

"I'm not living under the same roof as you idiots, and a baby." I heard a sob from the other side of the door. "I think your little girlfriend has been eaves dropping." Dan glared at me then left.

I flopped back, my feet resting on the floor. I stared at the white, bumpy ceiling above me. They were having a baby? How long had Dan known? I guess it explained her love for baggy clothes.

* * *

**Dan's POV**

"I'll leave. I don't want to come in between you and Phil." Lillian clung to my shirt as she sobbed.

"Lillian, calm down. Take deep breaths."

Lillian breathed in and out till she had stopped crying almost fully, and her voice was less hysterical. She let go of my shirt and looked up at me, her blue eyes shimmering from the tears. "I mean it. I'll go. Your friendship with Phil was so strong before you introduced us. I get why you kept me a secret for so long. How long had you known?"

I narrowed my eyebrows. "Known what?"

"That Phil loves you. I mean, that was the reason I was kept a secret, right?"

"Phil doesn't love me," I said, laughing.

"You have to be blind to not realise it. The way he looks at you, the way he got so angry at the idea of you being with anyone else?"

"Phil only thinks of me as a friend, seriously."

"I guess that's something you have to talk to Phil about." She wiped her eyes. "I need to tell you something," she sniffed.

"What's that?"

"I lied." She looked down at her lap, clearly avoiding eye contact with me.

"About what?"

"Being pregnant."

My eyes widened, and I filled with rage. "Then why the fuck were you kicked out?" My voice was fully raised into a shout.

"I wasn't," Lillian said, still avoiding eye contact.

"Why are you here then? And why would you tell me you were?" I yelled.

"I just wanted to live with my boyfriend."

"So you tell me you're fucking pregnant? You're sick in the head."

"I'm sorry."

* * *

** Phil's POV **

"I'm sorry," I heard Lillian say. That was it. I stormed out of my room and into the front room.

"Get out," I demanded through gritted teeth. Dan and Lillian's heads snapped in my direction. Lillian nodded, tears falling down her face. How dare she cry after what she did. She walked towards the door, but turned around as she was about to leave.

"I really am sorry, Dan." Without another word, she walked away. Dan collapsed backwards on the sofa, crying loudly. I sat down beside him and pulled him towards my chest.

"Thank god," he said after eventually stopping his tears.

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm sad that we're probably over, but I can't help but be relieved that she's not pregnant."

"Me too." Dan and I stayed on the sofa watching TV till the early hours of the morning.

"Thanks, Phil," Dan said just before we parted ways for our own rooms.

"For what?"

"Being here." With that, Dan walked away. I walked to my own room and flopped down on my bed, letting out a content sigh.

* * *

I stayed in bed for most of the morning the next day. I was over the moon that Lillian and Dan are more than likely calling things off. He was arguing with her on the phone at stupid o'clock in the morning. I felt sorry for him, obviously, but no babies and possibly no girlfriend? Life is good.

"Phil, can I come in?" Dan called.

"Sure." I fidgeted in bed so I was fully covered.

"Morning, lazy bones," Dan said as he walked in.

"Hey, we didn't go to bed until like four o'clock this morning," I retorted.

"I've been up for ages," Dan teased.

"That's because you've been arguing with Lillian. What's happened? You two still together?"

"I'm not sure." Dan ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm going to see her today."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

* * *

**Dan's POV**

I wanted to ask him badly. He couldn't be in love with me, could he? Well, it's a possibility, but highly unlikely.

"What?" Phil pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You were staring," he said, grinning.

"At what?"

"Me."

"Oh, sorry." My cheeks flushed slightly.

"What time are you going?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"In a few minutes. I made you a bacon sandwich, it's on the side. I'll be back later with pizza."

"Alright, see you."

* * *

** Phil's POV **

I watched Dan leave my room, closing the door lightly behind him. I got up, showered then went and ate the sandwiches Dan had left for me. After breakfast, I grabbed my laptop from my bedroom and sat with it in the living room. I scrolled through Tumblr, laughing at a few of the funny posts, and frowning at the sad or boring ones. I did this until I noticed Dan's laptop beside me. "I shouldn't," I said to myself. "I wouldn't." I shook my head and carried on scrolling through my Tumblr. My eyes kept flicking towards his laptop, there's nothing wrong with having a quick peek at his conversations. Right?

I closed my own laptop, and snatched up his. When I opened the lid, it was locked. It took a few guess but, eventually, I got it right. Tumblr was open. I looked through a few posts till I realised what tag he was on. 'Phan'. My heart skipped a beat. Why was he looking at this stuff? I felt a pang of guilt shoot through my body. I knew I shouldn't of been looking at his laptop, it was wrong. Incredibly wrong. I closed the laptop and placed it back where I'd gotten it from.

* * *

"I'm back," Dan called. I put down the controller I was holding to greet him. He walked into the front room, two pizzas in hand. 

"Hi." I grinned at him.

"Well, I'm not single," Dan said, a smile on his face. I smiled back, but on the inside, my heart hurt. I guess he was just looking up 'Phan' for a laugh or something.

"That's great," I lied.

"Yeah. Pizza and Mario Kart?"

"Of course." Dan moved his laptop from the sofa and sat in it's place. He set the pizzas on the coffee table. For the rest of the night, Dan and I played Mario Kart, he kicked my butt, and ate pizza.

"I'm going to bed," Dan announced. I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"Alright. I should probably head off too."

"Night." Dan trotted out of the room and towards his bedroom. I turned out all the lights and did the same.

As I was getting changed, a light knock sounded on my door. "Come in," I called, pulling a shirt over my head.

"I need to ask you something," Dan said, walking into my room clad in only pyjama bottoms.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Why were you so angry when I introduced Lillian as my girlfriend?"

My heart began to race. It was the exact question I didn't want to hear. "I wasn't," I lied.

"We both know that's not true. just tell me."

"I wasn't angry," I said, fidgeting with my hands.

"Stop lying to me!" Dan shouted. I could tell by his eyes he was hurt, and I'd be lying if I said the look he was giving me wasn't terrifying.

"Just leave it alone."

"Why? Why won't you just tell me? Is Lillian and ex or something?"

"No! I'd never met her!" By this point, I was frustrated. I wanted Dan to walk away and stop questioning me. Unfortunately, Dan can spot a lie from a million miles away when it comes to me.

"Then what was it?!" He was still yelling at me.

I turned away from him just in time for the tears to come without him seeing. I didn't even understand why I was crying, I was more than used to Dan shouting at me, but now, it was more personal than any other shouting match Dan and I had ever had. He grabbed my wrist, and turned me back to face him. At first I thought he was going to hit me, but instead his face dropped.

"Why are you crying?" He asked softly.

"Please leave." I yanked my wrist from his grip, wiped my eyes then turned my back on him again.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's really been bothering you." The tone of Dan's voice told me he wasn't joking.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was only one way to sort this out. I have to tell him. He may of been sickened but there was no other way to do this. "I'm in love with you," I said, with my back still to him. "But it's clear you don't feel the same." I turned back to face him. His mouth was in a perfect 'O' shape. "Happy? Now, get out." I was crying again now. I hated how weak I had become. Dan didn't move to stand up, he just stared at me for what seemed an eternity.

"Seriously?" He finally said. I nodded, wiping tears from my cheeks.

Next thing I knew, I was pinned against the wall making out with him. I managed to part us.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I love you, too," he said, resting his forehead against mine. 

"As if. Stop mocking me."

"I'm not."

"I don't believe you, Dan. You're still with Lillian for a start."

"Shut up and kiss me, you spoon." I knew it was wrong, but I did just that. He led us to my bed and laid me down gently. Dan straddled my hips, and started kissing me feverishly. It was hot, Dan straddling me, him in just boxers, unfortunately I was still dressed.

"I'm uncomfortable," I complained.

"Let's change that." Dan crawled off me, and began to undo the button and zipper of my jeans. I wiggled them down my legs, then Dan discarded them on the floor, he did the same for my shirt. For some reason, I felt slightly self-conscious laying there half naked in front of Dan. He was perfect, and I was just me. Pale skinned, with no abs or muscle in fact. Dan's eyes trailed up my body, which made me squirm.

"You're the perfect specimen, Phil. Truly, you're a fucking work of art," Dan said.

I felt my cheeks burn. I was literally lost for words. No one had ever made me feel the way Dan did in that moment. Dan and I just sat, staring into each others eyes, relishing in the moment.

"What about Lillian?" I asked, as he began straddling me again. "I don't want to come in between you."

"You already have, Phil." Guilt rushed over me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean too."

"I wasn't complaining, Philly. Now, shut up and cuddle with me."

Dan rolled off, laid beside me and wrapped his arms protectively around my waist, being the big spoon. We fell asleep just like that, and I can tell you, I was the happiest I'd ever been.

* * *

I woke up still wrapped in Dan's arms. I tried to wiggle out, but he just cuddled me closer. I just about managed to turn around to face him. His sleeping face was the cutest thing I'd ever seen, his eyes flickered slightly before fully opening. I came face to face with his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"Morning," he said. His morning voice was hot. I mean, really hot.

"Morning." I blushed at how just his voice in the morning turned me on.

"I can, you know, sort that out for you."

"Sort what out?"

"Your boner."

"No, it's fine."

"Let me?" He pleaded. 

I blushed. "Um, okay."

"Lay on your back."

I did as Dan told me. I arched my back so he could yank my boxers down my legs. He discarded my underwear to the floor. Dan gripped my penis softly but firmly and pumped it. I gripped the sheets around me, moaning loudly. A few minutes of pumping, and lots of teasing, I released my load over my chest and bed sheets.

"Thank you," I panted. Dan grabbed some tissues from my night-stand and began to clean up my chest.

"You don't have to thank me, Phil. It was my pleasure." He disposed of the tissues in my small bin. He came back to the bed and kissed my lips softly.

"This is all so surreal."

"What is?"

"Us."

"It has to stay between us though, okay?"

My heart hurt, was he embarrassed by me? I wanted to scream, instead I kept my voice calm and just said: "Why?"

"I have a girlfriend, Phil," he replied.

"But you told me you loved me."

"And I do, but I really like Lillian."

"Surely love trumps like?" I raised my voice.

"Please, Phil?" My bottom lip quivered, and tears welled up in my eyes. Was I really going to cry because of Dan again? Answer, no. I stood up from my bed, walked to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I expected the tears to come the minute the door closed behind me, but they didn't. They never came.

* * *

Days passed. I hadn't spoke to Dan since that morning, he'd tried, but I was still absolutely livid at him. I don't think I'd ever been so angry at the boy. He'd made me breakfasts, lunches and dinners, all of which I'd pushed aside and made my own.

"Phil, I'm going out," I heard Dan call. I ignored him, and just carried on scrolling through Twitter. Having the house to myself all day was nice. Not having Dan pestering me every few minutes trying to 'make me understand why we should be kept a secret' crap.

At half eight that evening, Dan returned. I glanced up at him, he had a red cheek and blood under his nose. I desperately wanted to clean up his nose, but I had to keep ignoring him, is was the only way for him to get into his head how badly he'd hurt me. He sat on the sofa beside me. I closed my laptop, and walked away laptop in hand. I only turned back around when I heard a small sob come from Dan's direction.

"I'm sorry," Dan said, looking straight into my eyes. I knew how genuine the apology was. I placed my laptop in my room, then left the house with my coat. I jogged down to the pizza place, brought our usual order, then headed home.

When I returned home, Dan had stopped crying and was just curled up on the sofa watching some TV show.

"Dan?" He sat up instantly. His eyes were red and puffy, and his nose swollen. I held up the pizzas and smiled.

"You're talking to me?"

I frowned. "I'm still angry, but I can see something happened to you. Want to talk about it?"

"I broke up with her. Lillian, I mean. I'm really sorry I've acted like such a big dick for the past few days. I'm sorry I acted like nothing had happened between us the two times it did. I'm just sorry," he cried.

I broke out into a big smile. "I suppose I can forgive you. If you promise never to be a dick again."

"Absolutely. I just wanted to be sure."

"Sure about what?" I asked, sitting down beside him on the sofa.

"That you were the one." He blushed.

"And am I?"

"Most definitely. It's been the worst four days of my life, Phil. I never want to go so long without talking again," he said, looking straight into my eyes.

"Neither do I."

"I love you, Philly."

I grinned. "I love you, too." Dan pounced on me, crushing the pizzas between us, and kissed me.

"Let's make a video," he said, sitting up and taking the pizzas from me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why?"

"Well we have some huge news, don't we?"

"You're ready to tell them already?"

"We've both seen the 'Phan' tag. Most of them already thought we were a couple. Let's give them something to talk about. I was overwhelmed. Dan admitting I was the one was one thing, but already being able to tell the fans was another. Not that I was complaining. Dan got up off the sofa, and held his hands out for me to take. I took them, he led us to his room where he set up the camera.

* * *

"I hope they take it well," I said as the video uploaded slowly.

"Who cares if they don't."

"They're our fans, Dan."

"And our fans will take it fine. The people who don't aren't our fans, Phil. You mean more to me than any people that don't accept us for who we are."

"It's hard to believe you're the same Dan from the other morning."

"I'm the better, Dan." He pinned me to the bed and kissed my neck, finding my sweet spot instantly.

* * *

It had been a year and six months since Dan and I made our relationship public. That video was the first and last we were ever going to make on our relationship. We had decided that it was something that should be kept behind the camera rather than in front of it.

"Hey, Phil?" Dan said, walking into our now shared bedroom.

"Let's go out tonight, my treat."

I grinned at my boyfriend. "Sure, where?"

"That fancy place that just opened." He was smiling, the dimple I loved so much showing.

"Vague, but okay."

"Dress nice." Dan kissed my cheek then left. I showered quickly, then put of my only tux. When I joined Dan in the living room, he was basically dressed the exact same.

"You look rather dashing." I grinned.

"As do you." Dan wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my lips softly. "Shall we go?"

"Ready when you are." Dan put out his hand, which I took happily.

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking out the window at the unfamiliar surroundings. It was still a little light out due to the fact summer was slowly approaching.

"Here." Dan pulled into a car park of an extraordinary looking building.

"Dan, this place looks like it costs a fortune."

"You're worth it." He lent over and kissed my cheek.

"Dan, are you sure you afford to take me here?"

"Get out of the car, Phil," he said, grinning. I was apprehensive, but I left the car anyway. Dan took my hand and led me towards the posh doors. Yes, even the doors were posh.

"How can I help you?" The lady behind the podium asked.

"Table for two under the name Howell?"

"Right this way, Sirs." She smiled then led us to a small table in the corner. As we walked, I took in all the surroundings. It was all extremely elegant and pretty. I'd never been to anywhere like it.

"Do you like it?" Dan questioned when the girl had walked away.

"It's amazing, Dan."

"Order anything, price isn't an issue."

"Are you sure, Dan?" I raised my eyebrows. We didn't even have the menu's yet, but I knew everything in this place was going to be of an extortionate price.

"Of course I'm sure."

"You're honestly the best person ever," I said, meaning every single word. Dan was in fact the best person in the entire world.

"Oh, I know." He winked playfully at me.

* * *

"Dessert?" The waitress from before asked after we'd finished our main course.

"In a moment," Dan replied, smiling at her.

"I'll be back in a few then."

"Thank you." Dan and I smiled at the girl and she walked away.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to have dessert, my stomach is killing me," I groaned, rubbing it.

"That was a very big dinner."

"Yeah, definitely," I agreed.

"Phil, I need to ask you something," Dan suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

Dan got out of his seat and stood in front of me before getting down on one knee. Cue cliché hands to the mouth in surprise action. I knew exactly what was about to happen.

"Phil, you're absolute perfection. You've been there with me through everything. You've made me happy when I thought nothing could. I haven't been more grateful for anything in my life than I am that you're with me.  You're the light of my life, every time things get dark, you're there guiding me forwards," Dan pauses, tears in his eyes. "My life would honestly such without you. You make me smile when no one or nothing else could." Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. Tears were now running down both mine and Dan's faces. "Phillip Michael Lester, will you do the honour of being my husband?"

"Yes! A thousand times yes!" I cried. The minute Dan stood up, I engulfed him in a tight embrace. From then on, I knew for a fact, Dan and I would be the happiest men alive.

**Author's Note:**

> This story makes me cringe, and I suck at writing smut, but I love it nonetheless.


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